“Could I run from this illumination..?”

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“Could I run from this illumination..?

I looked at the sky above, me, but there was only darkness. It was the start of my own mind swallowing me whole, destroying me in my own sadness. The total silence of atmosphere around me hurt my ears more than anything, I couldn't recognize the sound of my own voice. Life was passing by, Time was leaving me behind, with no such good memories I ever awaited, I figured out, I had two options, now is time I can have only these two options, I could either lie there, and be swallowed, or get up and start running in search of my life, in search of my dream. If I was to be swallowed, would I ever be needed by anymore, masses remains me in their memories..? Would I ever find out if I could succeed...? Would it be alright if I gave in, right there and then, The darkness was all around me now. I should probably get up, I thought, It occurred to me that I knew I could get up, Out of curiosity, I watched the depression come towards me. All my sad memories dragged themselves forward, desperately trying to hold me back. I know, I understand. Failing scares me, scare me a lot, and more than ever, But I should be more scared of what could happen if I don't try. I need to try my hardest. I need to run faster than I ever had. I need to live, and dream, and get out of my own hell. I need to stop digging my own grave. I need to try it one more time , I tried this time a little more harder and I was up and ready to follow my dreams again.

“In my life experiences and the path I traveled, I've seen many better days , but I've also seen worse, I don't have had everything that I want but I do have all that I have needed, I woke up with some aches and pains, but I really try to woke up, my life may not be perfect like else, but I'm blessed to rise and dream.”

Failing again and again are the most fearful part of life, but getting up and moving every-time is called “LIFE”.

तू गिरता है, गिरता मैं भी हूँ,

गिरता सब कोई यहाँ पर है,

बस हमको इतना सा ही करना है,

की उठ कर फिर से चल देना है।

Note -: (The last four, hindi lines, adopted from a seminar that I attended)

Regards

Dhitendra

Keep Smiling :-)

From the diary of a Black-Skinned person

"When I was hated the color of my skin, I thought Is The Almighty created everyone as beautiful as s/he looks own...??”, ans was answerable by myself, but after the sequences going on and on, I consider and I believe God created everyone in his own image, in the image of God he created Him, male and female He created them, as beautiful as s/he is.”

People look in the mirror everyday and constantly hear the voices of another inside their head. They tell them that they're ugly, fat, stupid, useless.....”, it goes on and on. And every time they look in that mirror they break down because of their own defined insecurities. But why should we let what society believes is 'beauty' define who we think we are? Beauty can only be found on the inside, but people seem to forget that, and conflict to find this outside.

I used to look in the mirror everyday and see someone who was ugly, hideous, and stupid. I hated the color of my skin. I hated my hair, my eyes, just everything. I wanted to look like my friends. They were always the ones who got the most attention, and they didn't even try. I prayed for days that I could get something to make me look like them. And at an early age of 9, I wished that I could have plastic surgery (thank goodness my parents said no). I let my own insecurities tear me down instead of throwing those insecurities out of my life and gaining confidence. It went on like this for years, and I always tried to look like someone else, or act like someone else, I just wanted to be anyone else but me.

Then one day I heard someone else talking about how ugly, and horrible they looked. It dawned on me that I was just like him. It made me want to change myself because I was tired of hating myself. Plus, there were so many other people who I'm sure didn't like me anyway, with changing myself and beginning to love myself, this was one less person to worry about

Remember, God made us in the image of Him. So how can we possibly be ugly when God is such a beautiful being? I thank God every day because he helped me gain my confidence slowly, but surely. Yeah I have my days but I usually am able to put it out of my mind. I've always wanted to change something about myself, but if God created me this way, then who am I to complain? .

From the diary of a black-skinned person

"Love yourself Always, don't compare with anyone, if you did, you're insulting yourself."

Regards

Dhitendra

Keep Smiling :-)

"Dedicated to ....??"

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“Hello” He whispered.

She was not in condition to speak out any word, she not wants to disturb him at this time. every-time she oaths to not call him for any reason, not to make him worry for any condition, and she busted it every-time.

“Hello” He whispered again.

“Hello” She eventually replied

“Navya” “are you”, “why are you calling me so late?” he sounded worried as she had never before called at such an odd hour.

“What could she tell him, if she didn’t know herself why she was calling. It just hit her that she needed to hear his voice. There were some days, some moments, some very precious moments, when she missed him more than on others. When she needed him more. The days when she cried more. The day when she wants to be in his laps, the day when she need him more than any other day. Today was one of them. Being so far from each other in each sense had made things so much complicated. But could she tell him that? Would he understand? Did he feel the same? Or did he get over that?”

“Navya”, “what happened, why are you crying? Is everything okay?”

No, nothing was okay at her end, she is feeling him, deeply in any nook of her heart, she wants to say, “just I need you for this very moment”, merely love is like a wind, you can't see it but you can feel it deeply, its like a moment once it's gone you can't get it back, she thought to herself but whispered into the phone that she was fine and just needed to hear his voice.

He smiled. At least she felt he did. Even after all those long years she still could sense things about him, could feel him, after such a long, they understood, still they need each, this time they need more.

“It is so good to hear your voice Abhi. It sounds so sweet”. In the other corner of the world she smiled back at him, at the corner of other world, he smiled for her.

“Still, Navya, why you called? Anything happened?” he kept asking. She had no idea why she had called him up. Maybe it was just a habit. Whenever she felt down she used to call him.

Three years ago when her sister run from home with some soon-to-be-a model and model-tuned actor, who never had become neither a soon-to-be nor be a Actor. Her sister was 18.
 

Two years ago when her mom got into hospital and had to undergo a surgery. One year ago when her dad died, six month ago when things had gone terribly wrong and she didn't know how to deal with them.

Each time when she was drowning in the ocean of troubles the final and only redemptive resolution was to call him. And he always had been there for her. Shedding her tears, giving support, handling her with utmost care. Nothing had changed and yet everything did. She couldn’t explain it this time. She just felt this urge to call him tonight.

“You know, I dreamt about you last night”, she said.

“It sounds funny, and that you called tonight, I have been thinking about you all day long”, he replied.

In two different parts of the world two souls were connected through more than just a phone but an invisible line that was so easy to be broken but yet it seemed impossible for the both of them. They both listened to the silence for a while wondering about what the other might be thinking right now. Both seemed to enjoy this peaceful precious moment they’ve got. One of the moments you never want to end.

He interrupted the blissful silence.

“My girl is in the next room, Sometimes I wish she was you” he said

“Does she know you still talk to me?” She asked.

“She wouldn't like it” does he have any idea?”

“Not sure if I should tell him”

And again the silence settled. But this one was different. Silence of regrets and unexpressed emotions.

“I guess we never really moved on”, he said.

“I guess we did not” she replied.

They were apart and yet they were together. Worlds apart with one thin line which connected them. The thin line of a short life span when they were happy together. Then they had made a decision. A wrong one. One wrong decision which will haunt them till the end of their lives. They know it. And they live with it. And she will keep calling him because those two minutes talks once in a while is the only thing they have left. And he is talking with her, with same love, with same expression and probably with her same queen, he know the one natural fact “Women needs man more than Man needs woman”. They talked, Once in a while, and for a couple of minutes.

Love and Life - “Its like an endless book that we've, for every page we turn something, that's a new, unfortunately you can't tell whats happening next, there are not glossary to turn, no index to look through and no summary of what happens in the end.” “It's like a mystery, like a magic, and you just have to turn and learn one page at a time."

Regards

Dhitendra

Keep Smiling :-)

"WHO AM I .??"

Someday, Sometimes, I seated alone and think again and again about myself, Sometimes I feel my whole life is a dream, like a drama, flowing on. Not mine, maybe someone else’s. And then I wonder whose dream it might be and whether they are enjoying it. I wouldn’t say my life is very entertaining but it definitely takes some strange forms and shapes at times. Sometimes it is all chromatic and happy, sometimes everything is dark around and I am trying to pull through, trying to find a way, trying to search very deeply, trying to resolute myself, trying to find myself.

Because losing our way would be the most dreadful of things, Maybe only losing yourself is worse. I feel I am losing both, Losing the way on a journey called life might be really unfortunate. But if you lose reasons for the journey itself it is much more cruel.

Life is a journey and on this long journey I am traveling alone. Sometimes there are others who would join and take the ride, sometimes they get closer to me than expected, sometimes I let them closer than necessary. Sometimes people leave, Sometimes people be with me, sometimes people lie, Sometimes people speaks truth, sometimes people hurts, sometimes people make my my heart full of rejoices, but in the end it always was only me on my journey. And when the destination was reached, it was not me who arrived, it was not me at all.

And now I wonder if it is still me or I completely lost myself. Because once you lose yourself you always have two choices: to find that person you once have been, or lose that person completely. And I don’t know what I should do. Or who I am, for that matter. Because I realize that sometimes you have to change yourself, to look at the person who you used to be and remember the person who you wanted to be. The person who you meant to be. The person who you needed to be. The person you are, Or the person you are not anymore

And if you are on a crossroad wondering which way to take like I am, you are definitely looking back to all the years of the journey that has been yours. Remembering all your dreams, all your hopes and wondering where everything went wrong. Because none of those dreams turned out to be the way you wanted them. And you are disappointed and maybe scared. You are in the darkness. And even though you don’t want to, you do regret that things are not as simple as you have always dreamed them to be.

But you try not to be bitter over all these disappointments and failures, over pain and sadness. And you learn to let go of the past, and you realize that not every day has to be sunny, that rains and storms are a huge part of life, too, And you stand there in the darkness wondering who you are and what to do and where to go. And you don’t know if you want to go anywhere at all. But you know that it is just the darkness of despair and it eventually will fade away. Because it is only in the black of the night when you can see the stars. And these stars will always lead you back home. Where your place is, Where are you.

"Sometimes I feel my whole life is like a beautiful dream, flowing on"

Regards

Dhitendra

Keep Smiling :-)

Statement of Asharam

ASHARAM BAPU (Mr. ASUMAL SIRUMALANI) - ::

I feel really very sorry, that the people like you born in this Country, Where in ancient times the Monk (Religious person) was treated like the “GODHEAD”, but the cheap, moron and constricting minded people like you make this as a part of Profession and the New Business, But I can't blamed you standalone for all this, because a few people between us, are responsible to give you such a peak and are still a part for your improbable growth.

Your recent statement regarding Delhi Assault is an enough subject matter to prove, what really you think about the “Female Generation” and How you want to treat them, when you yourself was accused for several controversial cases, then how the person like you've any right to speech out such statements. Are you totally a “SICK MIND PERSON”.

I'm still unable to understand "Who the hell is asking you for your valuable expert comments....?"

I would really appreciate to call him now by a “DUMPED MINDED MAN”. Mr. Asumal Sirumalani (Asharam), you need to be feel ashamed and to think at least about your daughter before speaking out such ill minded message.

कभी कभी भगवान भी सोचता होगा "ये इतनी बड़ी गलती कैसी हो गयी मुझसे" जो इन जैसे लोगों को धरती पर भेज दिया।

 

 

Regards

Dhitendra 

Keep Smiling :-)